A Dream or a Nightmare? : Part 2

“Okay.” I told the electric mouse, deciding to focus on the problem at hand and become a gibbering wreck somewhere where I wouldn’t be seen by anyone who knew Ash, “I don’t know you and you’ve already decided that you don’t like me.” Pikachu tilted his head curiously, “But we’re stuck with each other now.” Pikachu just sat down and started pretending to ignore me, “I know you’re listening. You don’t like pokéballs, do you?”

Pikachu’s ears twitched and I could see I had his attention.

“I’ll do you a deal.” I offered. “You don’t shock me and follow on your own, and I won’t put you back in your ball or come up with some ridiculous way of making you follow. I’m sure I have some washing line in my bag somewhere. De...Mum seemed to pack everything in there, including the kitchen sink.”

Pikachu scratched behind his ear, considered her for a moment and then let off another jolt of Thundershock.

Again, for the record, ow.

“Okay, I take that as a no.” I sighed, pulling stuff out of what appeared to be a tardis bag considering everything Delia had stuffed into it. “Let’s see, ah ha! Rubber washing up gloves for me and washing line for you.” Pikachu looked irritated as I held up the rope. “Last chance. Either way you’re coming with me. Now would you prefer to meet the crowd with dignity or being dragged behind me? Because quite frankly I don’t care what people think about me, but I’m sure your pride wouldn’t recover...”

Pikachu looked from me, to the rope, back to me, realised I was serious and jumped up onto my shoulder.

“See?” I asked it, smiling slightly as I put the stuff back in the bag of holding, “Not so hard was it?”

Pikachu’s response was to let off a small jolt of electricity. Not enough to count as an attack, but enough to let me know he wasn’t happy. To be honest, at that point I was passed caring. All I wanted to do was find a quiet, out of the way place and scream and cuss every God in existence before crying for a while and I couldn’t do that while Pikachu was being a stubborn git.

Clipping the pokéball onto my belt provided a ‘leash’ of kinds. I knew from the show that captured Pokémon couldn’t go too far from their pokéball. It had been proven that even a nine hundred year old Ninetales had not been able to resist the ‘invisible wall’ it provided past a certain point.  It felt a little mean, but I was in a fine mood by that point and seeing the severely depleted crowds outside only soured my temper further.

Delia cooed over Pikachu, earning me another Thundershock and I heard someone complaining that the Ketchum boy didn’t even know how to use a pokéball properly. I think I amused Pikachu when I made a rude gesture at the speaker when Delia wasn’t looking and before they could respond with more than a “Why I oughta...” I decided now was a good time to skip town and left.

We got as far as the nearest wide open, completely empty field before I found a tree, let Pikachu down so he could wander around as he liked, dropped my backpack and then finally allowed myself to let loose.

Pikachu jumped a mile at the wail that escaped me as what was going on really hit me.

It wasn’t fair! It was insane! It was IMPOSSIBLE!

There was no way this was real and yet it was impossible to deny it. You couldn’t get hurt in dreams and Pikachu had hurt me, so I wasn’t dreaming.

I’d been other people before but that was different! That was an act! A costume donned and a persona applied for the duration of a day or a weekend in order to play games and have fun! This, this was a full gender swap, a dimensional transition and the loss of fifteen years.

Oh god puberty. I was going to have to go through puberty again! It sucked enough the first time, as a girl, how the hell was I going to cope as a guy?

I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be at home, preparing for the convention that by now would have started. I didn’t want to be in another dimension away from everyone I cared about, no matter how cool having real Pokémon was.

I slumped down against the tree, which Pikachu had climbed when I’d startled him, and burst into tears as something else hit me.

I’d never see my family again. Never ever ever. I wanted them so bad it tore at my heart as I realised I’d never go running with dad, or shopping with mum, or discuss video games until obscene times of the morning with my brother again. They weren’t here. They couldn’t get here.

And my friends. They were all at the convention. I had been looking forward to meeting up with everyone and enjoying a weekend of sheer insanity. Now that would never happen. I could never meet up with everyone, I couldn’t call them over skype, I didn’t even have my phone as that was with my cosplay and god only knew what had happened to that.

I was alone. All alone. I’ve never been good at being alone. I’ve always been social. I’ve always needed others around, be them friends, family or colleagues.

But if I tried to talk to anyone properly here, if I tried to tell them anything, they’d think I was mad. That I’d snapped. I’d be locked away. At least with the journey ahead of me I had freedom. Even if it could never be the freedom I wanted because the people I’d want to share it with could never be there alongside me.

“Pikapi?”

Pikachu had climbed down when I’d been sobbing and now was watching me like he kind of understood what I was going through. I knew Pokémon were sentient, I’d seen enough evidence in the show to support that. But how could he know? How could he understand...had I been talking out loud?

Of course he’d understand. He wasn’t like the three normal starters, who had been raised from an egg to belong to new Trainers. He had been captured from the wild. Torn away from his family and friends and now forced into a life not of his choosing...

Without thinking I scooped him up and hugged him tightly, tears falling into soft yellow and brown fur. I felt him stiffen up and subconsciously braced for the jolt I knew was coming, only for him to relax and attempt to return the hug.

I don’t know how long we were like that, the pair of us grieving over our losses, but when I let go and he settled on my shoulder and nuzzled me, I knew that somehow, in some way, we’d bonded. Not in the way I’d expected, by getting in over our heads and somehow escaping like in the show, but through the shared pain of losing our old lives and having to start anew.

A wild Rattatta attempting to get into my pack finally broke the peace and quiet that had settled between us. Pikachu didn’t like that very much, pulling the other mouse Pokémon away from the bag and threatening it with a spark of electricity.

The Rattatta snapped at Pikachu, attempting to take a bite out of his tail and before I was even thinking properly, “Thundershock!” escaped my mouth as I grabbed for an empty pokéball that I somehow knew was on my belt. I had no intention of actually training the damn thing long term, but I wanted to...

The train of thought trailed off as I realised that I was contemplating doing to the Rattatta exactly what had been done to Pikachu and I. I dropped the pokéball as Pikachu’s attack struck the purple critter and it let out a horrible sound before escaping swiftly back into the long grass.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just catch any old wild Pokémon and drag them away from their homes and friends.

“Pikapi?” Pikachu asked, concerned as he turned to face me.

“I’m okay.” I reassured my only friend in this world, picking up the empty ball. It was going to take some work, but somehow I was going to have to build a team without stealing any Pokémon away who didn’t want to come.

Suddenly I understood why Ash had such a small supply of Pokémon to his name.

This was not going to be easy.